Archive for November, 2014

Sexy Texty

November 30, 2014

Woman sending a text message

Our current series on intentional relationships needs some heat ! It’s cold outside and on these short dark cold winter days, let’s not forget that being intentional extends to our sexual relationships. One of the most common relationship complaints among partners is about their sex life. Since our summer sex series, we wanted to check in with all of you and ask you how it’s going? Have you been more intimate, more giving,  more excited and hopefully more satisfied in your sex life? We hope so! Here is another idea to turn up the heat on the cold winter nights! Be courageous and give it a try!

Like any intentional behaviour, this begins when you make a plan and then execute it.  Why not start flirting and even sexting with your partner? Why not? You may think you are too old, too boring, too set in your ways, maybe even too scared? Well. There may be a grain of truth in that  but why not do it anyways? It won’t hurt and it might even help you unleash something you’ve forgotten t lives inside you.

What is this thing? It’s called DESIRE and why not ignite it and send some sexy messages to your partner? One hint… make sure your sexy texts express your desire for your partner and tell them how hot they are…everyone loves to hear about that. 

We came across some recent research about how prevalent sexting is among smartphone users. Why not utilize our technology and do something sexually exciting with it with  your partner ? Instead of texting about the grocery list why not SURPRISE your partner with a sexy, flirty text? Think about the anticipation and surprise element this could activate between the two of you? Think about the much needed shot of dopamine in both of your brains that would get released ? 

Here are a few ideas to get you started…..

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“That tie you’re wearing? Let’s use it tonight.”

“I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“I had a stressful day. Want to help me unwind? ;)”

“I hid something for you in my cleavage. Frisk me later to find it.

“I know you’re going to the gym, but save a little energy for later…;)”

“Caught a glimpse of your ass when you left this morning. Amazing.”

“Meet me at my place in an hour. Clothing optional.”

“Got a new toy today. Let’s play.”

“I’ve been thinking about you all day. It hasn’t been innocent.”

“I’m wearing that tight dress/ those tight jeans  you love…with nothing underneath.”

Dare ya!

Take a risk and send a flirty text to your partner. As you do this, remember some of the best times you have had as lovers and think about that throughout the day! When you greet your partner next continue flirting … What’s next is up to both of you!

Yours forever,

What is Zero Negativity?

November 6, 2014

Written By Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

Zero Negativity is looking at everyone and everything through the eyes of love!  Everyone and everything is accepted unconditionally and given an absolute value.

To look at the world through the prism of love will change your world, as you now know it, into a world you have never known, but one for which you have always dreamed. Your dream world includes no judgment, and no fear. It is absolutely safe, opening the door to connecting with others and the joy of experiencing being a part of larger whole. When you live there long enough, the neurons in your brain will become more organized; your blood chemistry will change from chemicals of fear to chemical of pleasure and your sense of well being will deepen.

Negativity, by contrast, is looking at everyone and everything through the eyes of judgment. Through the prism of judgment, no one and no “thing” is accepted or valued “as is.” Acceptance and value are granted only when we become something else, something that exists in someone else¹s mind. This nightmare world in which most of us have always lived, and from which we dream of escape, is filled with anxiety rather than love. It is a dangerous world; there is no safety without self-abandonment. 

The world of negativity is created by the exchange of ³put downs,² an interaction that says ³you are NOT ok as you are, and I will change you even if I have to hurt you.² Put-downs include tone of voice and the roll of the eye; verbal abuse of shaming, blaming, complaining, devaluing, and threatening; emotional abuse like yelling and name calling; or physical abuse like hitting and murder.

Zero Negativity is the absence of the put-down; any interactions experienced as negative or devaluing are eliminated.

Zero Negativity is essential for the solution of problems. Without that toxin, tension can be see as two or more persons having different views, rather than one being right and the other wrong.  When tension becomes conflict, the real problem is obscured. Zero Negativity affirms difference; the focus is on the problem, not the person. This allows the relational environment to become the place where novel solutions to human problems can be co-created. 

Everything awful ends when Zero Negativity begins. Life changes from black and white to Technicolor. The relational space is filled with peace and joy. This is the world you, and all of us have never had, but always wanted. 

 Zero Negativity is the human dream.


November 4, 2014


Is it easier for you to Give or Receive?  Both? Neither? Of course, there is no right or wrong but it’s an interesting question to ask yourself because it will help you understand some of your relationship challenges.

This blog focus will focus on Giving in your relationship and the next post on Receiving.

Giving is a complicated business. For many of us, when we give to our partner, either consciously or unconsciously, we want something back. This is tricky because we rarely articulate what it is we want in return and usually end up feeling disappointed and let down  because we don’t think our partner has given back.

Giving, by the way, can be about almost anything  –  giving a massage, buying a surprise gift, making a meal, going to a partner’s work event, being extra nice…. the list goes on. The point is how often do you give hoping you will get something back? Are you even aware you have an expectation? If yes, do you know what you want to receive? Do you ever tell your partner about your expectations?

Or  do you do what most people do, sit back and wait? FYI- because this can be done at a very unconscious level, the only way you may become aware of it is when you start resenting your partner for not giving enough.

Perhaps the highest form of  giving is unconditional, but,  let’s be honest, how many of us are that evolved? We may like to think  we are but I am not sure how true that is. The  need to get something back, while not the most desirable way to be,  is quite human.

Of course a higher aim would be to give unconditionally but to do that one must be very conscious about not expecting or hoping for a return give.

To give to your partner unconditionally and in an authentic manner,  means you must believe that the giving is the gift itself. It’s an end point, put a period on it and move on . Do not expect anything to happen next.

Dare ya- Make a plan, give, enjoy it and move on. Try it this week with INTENTION!