Archive for March, 2015

EXITS? Are Ya Coming Back?

March 24, 2015


The word EXIT is derived from the Latin word exire which means to “go out”. What does this have to do with our relationships? Well, let’s think about the many ways we “go out” of our relationship everyday.

We “go out” of our relationships to go to work, visit friends, buy groceries, go for a run, go to yoga, run errands, walk the dog, care for the children, spend too much time having relationships with our technology etc. We all do many things each day that take us away from our relationships and that is a normal part of life. The problem arises when you don’t come full back into the relationship. And unfortunately that’s true for many us.

By coming back, we mean to come back so that you can SHOW UP in your relationship fully and completely. You might come back physically but do you really come back emotionally?

What does not coming fully back look like?

It could be when you walk in the door from work but you stay disconnected. Maybe you go right to your computer before you say hello to your Partner. Maybe you greet the dog more effusively than your Partner. It could look like talking to a friend about your life more than your partner. Or maybe focusing only on your kids and never having a Date Night to focus your relationship. Maybe you continually check your phone or mindlessly look at your Facebook.  And maybe you pick a fight or criticize your partner because you know that will drive your Partner away for the rest of the day. These are all examples of how we EXIT and “go out “of our relationship. Most of us have perfected ways to disconnect from our partners.

Why do we do this?

Maybe we are afraid of conflict? Or vulnerability? Or intimacy? Or we don’t want to rock the boat so we stay distant? Or we take our relationship for granted? Or we want to focus on our own needs more than our partners? Or we are just tired? There are lots of reasons but I want to suggest that when we exit, it’s because we generally do not feel safe in our relationships. And so the feelings we don’t feel safe to say get acted out in our Exiting behaviours.

What is the solution to this situation?

It’s obvious. Building a safe connection and fostering  trust in your relationship is key. Remembering to laugh and have fun together is vital. Letting go of the little things sure helps. Finding the courage to show up authentically and be interested in your partner. And the critical first step is to stop hiding behind whatever Exit you are hiding behind and be willing to speak your truth to your Partner.

Believe me, it is more satisfying to be in a relationship that is connected and alive. Ask yourself, have I gone out (at some level) and  have I forgotten to come back? Maybe it’s time to enter through the front door and say, “hi honey, I am HOME!”

Dare ya – Come to our Half Day workshop on EXITS April 18 from 9-1pm and find out everything you need to know about how to come back to your relationship (this is offered to anyone who has already attended our Getting the Love You Want Weekend Workshop)

Workshop Details: 
April 18 9am-1pm
YWCA, 733 Beatty Street, Vancouver B.C.

Register at
*Registration is only open to those who have already attended a previous Getting the Love You Want workshop