Archive for August, 2015

Sexy time

August 15, 2015

Couples feet in bed

Ever wonder why sex in the long term can be so challenging?

There is no easy answer to this but there is much to be understood about sex in a long term monogamous relationship. I get asked questions like these all the time:

  • How can sex be exciting again?
  • Why do we fight so much about sex?
  • Why is she/he avoiding coming to bed with me? It’s like they don’t want to be intimate with me anymore
  • Why am I so anxious when I think about sex with my partner?

Common? Yes!

But why?

Once you are past the romantic phase of your relationship, and the Love Potion chemicals are no longer running so heavily, the passion that came so easily changes and like all things, needs to be cultivated and sparked. So many couples either don’t realize this is a natural phenomenon or don’t know how to keep igniting passion  so they end up having a very difficult time navigating their sexual lives. While sex starved relationships are rampant in our culture it still leaves us feeling sad, isolated and very dissatisfied.

If you have attended our Getting the Love You Want Weekend workshop we invite you to come to our annual 1 Day Sex and Intimacy Workshop. This year it is on September 26th from 9-4 pm.  If you want to register please go on our website at Registration is limited to 12 couples.

(Note: Only those who have attended the weekend Getting the Love You Want workshop are eligible).

Don’t Take your Partner for Granted

August 12, 2015


After two decades  of being a relationship therapist I want to share a piece of wisdom I have learned – Don’t take your partner for granted.

This is one of the most surefire ways to alienate your partner and sometimes unwittingly end your relationship.

As the years roll by in your  relationship it is all too easy to take your partner for granted. This would include not listening , not appreciating, not showing gratitude, and not showing care and attention to your partner’s needs. Instead of treating your partner as precious you may be allowing your irritation , annoyance and disagreement to dominate. When things between the two of you take on an edge of criticism you are on a slippery slope to the abyss.

The best way to lose your partner’s affection and trust is to take them for granted. When I see couples at my office they often say things like, “I am too shut down to open up again”, or “Now that they are finally trying, I just don’t have those feelings anymore”, or “It’s too little. too late”.

Don’t be another partner who regrets their indifference or lack of appreciation towards their partner. Don’t wait until it’s too late to change.

Dare ya – Acknowledge to your beloved that you have not been the partner you want to be. Take responsibility and listen to what their needs are and do your best to meet their wishes . Be the best you can be… this will be life changing and save you from so much regret.

In support,