Archive for the ‘Physical Responses’ Category

Gimme a Double Shot

February 23, 2010

Did you know there are two brain chemicals any relationship can’t be without? One is Oxytocin – the cuddle chemical, which is the feeling we get when we are safely held or think about our beloveds. The other is dopamine, the natural high, that we get from a good belly laugh, vigorous exercise or being pleasantly surprised.

Both of these hormones move to shut down the stress hormone cortisol. What does this mean and how does it relate to my relationship? Let’s talk about oxytocin here.

Not only does touch stimulate production of oxytocin, but oxytocin promotes a desire to touch and be touched: it’s a feedback loop that can have wonderful results. Oxytocin makes us feel good about the person who causes the oxytocin to be released, and it causes a bonding between the two people. Nursing a baby produces oxytocin in both mother and child, and this is a major part of what initially bonds the mother and her baby. Even thinking of someone we love can stimulate this hormone; when women in good relationships were asked to think about their partners, the level of oxytocin in their blood rose quickly.

Every time you get a shot of oxytocin, you will feel calmer and more content. You will feel a sense of love and happiness. Love is like oxygen for humans. We are all looking for love and we really crave feeling it as much as possible. This is because finding a secure attachment bond is encoded in our brains when we are infants, and we are wired to search for it in an adult love partner. When we feel safe and loved, our worlds are expansive. When we feel scared and hurt in our relationships our world narrows. We actually feel these sensations in our bodies. We are attachment addicts and we are always looking for a fix. The brain is a powerful thing.

Unconsciously it is as if we are asking the eternal questions:

Are you there for me?

Do I matter to you?

Can I depend on you?

Am I really important to you?

These are questions that those of us in relationships feel but are usually afraid to ask. This is where the oxytocin part comes in.

The more oxytocin we have flowing through our bodies the easier it is to answer yes to all of the above questions. The better we feel. Monogamy and long term love make sense.

You might wonder how you can get a shot of Love Potion #9….

Reach and out and touch your Partner!

Hold hands!

Give a shoulder massage or a foot rub!

Sit close while watching TV!

Orgasm (that’s always a good one)

Look at a photograph of your sweetie.

So, pull out your favorite pic of your lover, just look at it and let the feelings wash over your body…feeling it yet?

Feels good doesn’t it?

Dare ya –

Do one thing this week that non-verbally expresses to your partner that they really matter to you. Tack that special picture up on the wall where you can see it. Now look, really look, and smile back.

Yours really truly,

T & M

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