Last weekend Maureen and I co-facilitated another Getting the Love You Want Weekend Workshop. It was amazing, I felt high by the end and believe me, there were no substances involved! Watching people fall in love all over again creates a natural high that is infectious to say the least.
The workshop creates its own real love story, much more powerful than Hollywood any day.
Let’s face it, when people come to the workshop most (not all) are not at their high point. On top of that, most are anxious and want to re-engage with their partner but truly do not know how.
This is where the t- shirts come in…….
I have an assortment of t- shirts I wear throughout the weekend which I hope act as visual cues to remind the workshop participants what they need to remember throughout the weekend. The following is a stream of consciousness post about last weekend from the perspective of my t -shirts.
Practice Kindness:
It’s the 1st t-shirt I put on. Reminds all of us that no matter what, being kind is better that not. Friday night… I asked all participants to raise hands if they would be willing to take on a GREAT big challenge. Every hand went up. I then told them the challenge: to give up blame, criticism, and negativity for the weekend. All hands stayed up. Everyone was in. I knew this was going to be good!
Laugh Often:
Just remember, we are all scared sh_t-less so remember to laugh a lot. It will feel so much better. The participants are already cracking and sharing jokes and these people are funny. People are bonding, couples look more relaxed. I am relaxed. Great possibilities are in the air.
We Are Golden:
Saturday a.m., time for the Appreciation Dialogue. Time to learn how to appreciate your partner verbally. It’s a skill and we teach it. The brain’s limbic system is already calming before my eyes. Reconnection and even joy begin to appear. Emotional engagement between couples has begun and the people are softening. Beauty!
I Rock:
Need I say more?
Ok I will!.
We all receive messages in childhood either implicitly or explicitly that tell us we are not ____________ (fill in the blank). Yet what we all wanted and needed to hear is… “you rock” . So why not remind everyone… “I rock” then hopefully everyone will know inside themselves “I rock too.”
Practice Kindness:
Reminder time…. t-shit goes on again. Deep listening time.
Understanding the influences of childhood all shared in the privacy of one’s own relationship. This part always amazes me. I love the beautiful connections couples make at this point in the workshop. Understanding and compassion and the reality that childhood influences couplehood. Big learning and everyone is fully present. This is when things really turn around. I feel privileged. Great compassionate hearts becoming even greater right before my eyes. I am a lucky person to be part of all this.
Laugh Often (again):
Exit time! We all do it but how do we do it? This is definitely when we need to keep laughing or else things will go sideways. Everyone is on board and the challenge is still in effect. There is no negativity, criticism or blame anywhere to be seen. Lots of smiling and big open hearts though!
It’s Not That I’m Stubborn… It’s Just That I Know I’m Right:
I had this t-shirt made for my eldest son Max when he turned 13. It was a verbatim quote by him that I had put onto a t-shirt. He wore it proudly until he grew out of it and then gave it to me and I proudly wear it when introducing the intricacies of the Power Struggle.
The core of this struggle is really the age old question in any relationship, who is going to be “the one?” I want closeness, I want to be validated, I want to be right, I want you to agree with me even if you don’t, but you want all these things too because we both want to be “the one”. This is a big pill to swallow. The truth is some medicine we just have to take.
(I need a new t-shirt for this part but I haven’t found it yet something about gold I suspect would be in order!)
Moving right along and into relationship consciousness comes the frustration dialogue. These folks really rocked. They were brilliant. They stayed intentional, listened deeply and took on the great task of trying to meet their partner’s need which they themselves chose out of 3 choices. I am joyful and my work is almost done.
Live In Love:
I bought this t-shirt in L.A. at a bargain discount store for only $9.99 (it was Marshall’s in Beverly Hills if you must know).Profound words on sale but I am the queen of bargains so this makes sense to me! Here comes Hollywood but way better. Positive love flood, caring behaviours, love letters to be posted in the coming weeks by us, sex lecture, chocolates and long stemmed roses given by each partner with sweet words to each partner. We are nearing the end of Sunday with sweetness and deliciousness and a commitment to conscious love with some real tools to make it all work.
Getting the Love You Want
It’s happened, and it’s all good, and my work is done for this weekend.
Next one is June 4-6, 2010. Can’t wait!
Dare ya –
Remember when you were at the workshop and it was close to ending and you and your partner exchanged roses? Remember how you felt? Remember that now and hold it in heart. That’s the real love story.
Until the next time…
Yours truly,
T
Getting the Love you Want 